2016

2:33 AM

Penat dah aku nak jaga hati semua orang. Penat dah nak dahulukan orang lain sampai aku sendiri terbiar. Sakit jugak kadang-kadang bila apa yang kita buat tak dihargai. Bukan nakkan sangat penghargaan orang, tapi tolong la jangan selfish sangat. 

2017 is going to be my year. That is my promise. I am going to make full use of 2017 and make sure that I will be able to get everything I have to do before doing something else.

I am so tired.

I am so sorry if I sound ungrateful this time but I could help myself from feeling tired. At the end of the day, I am putting myself at the edge that I somehow forgot to even give some space for my own self. Aku terlalu...terlalu sangat mendahulukan orang lain. It's good to put other people first, but there's always a boundary of doing so. Jangan sampai diri sendiri merana sebab nak puaskan hati orang, nak senangkan orang lain. Then who's going to take care of my heart then? You? No.

Sedih, pedih. Sakit sangat. Allah je tahu macam mana aku harungi 2016. Penuh dengan onak duri dan ranjau. When I think of 2016, aku rasa there's nothing that I have done the best for myself. Semuanya so-so sahaja. Kepentingan diri sendiri aku ketepikan.  Sedih. Sedih bukan sebab apa, sedih sebab kesiankan diri sendiri.  Dah takde siapa nak kesiankan diri aku pun.  Baik aku kesiankan diri sendiri hahaha boleh tak macam tu? It's like begging love from somebody else la. Instead of hoping someone to love me, might as well I love myself first. Kan? Daripada harapkan orang simpati dan kesiankan diri aku, baiklah aku kesiankan diri sendiri.

Nevertheless, I have so many things  to be grateful last year. From getting offers for interviews to receiving offers for placement, I could not thank Allah enough for all blessings. I am fully blessed, at least I know I am loved and blessed by Allah. Cukuplah ada Allah bersama aku. Itu yang sebenarnya aku kena tanamkan dalam diri. Bukan harapkan penggantungan pada makhluk yang lain...


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